


jealous

by rubyliam



Series: fourtris oneshots [4]
Category: Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: F/M, good luck, i'll try to post more fourtris oneshots on here, idk why i never do, this is so sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-08 14:00:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17387669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rubyliam/pseuds/rubyliam
Summary: She would never miss to see him on his birthday.





	jealous

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by "jealous" by labrinth!

Tobias walks out of his work building, cursing at the cold raindrops that jump at his face. He quickly opens his umbrella and moves it over his head right as quick as he can, careful to cover his suit from being ruined. He starts to head down the sidewalk, passing by her without a glance in her direction. She stands with her arms by her side, a small smile on her face because she is finally able to see him again. Her mouth opens, and his name almost leaves her lips.

And then she remembers.

So silently, Tris begins to follow him. She walks just a little bit faster and is able to walk next to him. Her head lifts and she checks his handsome features. The scruff of a beard that he is growing out. The hair that is longer on the top of his head and that is curling onto his forehead. Tris has never seen him in a suit before, but ever since he started his new government job right after the war ended, he began to wear one. Tobias felt he had to, like it was necessary. Even when Johanna showed in a comfortable dress every day, he was always in a suit and tie.

Some people living in Chicago smiled at Tobias, knowing his position in their government. Tobias would return the smiles with a nod, and a shy smile of his own before he continued on to Dauntless headquarters, where he lived. Tris followed his long strides, jumping and letting out a laugh as she walked in front of Tobias, jogging to match his pace, as if he would get stopped since she was there.

Still there was no reaction. Tobias’s face remained calm, the only difference was that Tris didn’t see the furrow of stress that was always apparent in his forehead. It gave her some peace.

It wasn’t as if she was expecting anything.

She wasn’t exactly visible.

But she hated being reminded that she wasn’t visible. That she wasn’t alive. Even now, she was jealous of the rain that was able to touch Tobias’s skin, because she couldn’t do that at all.

Tris saw the rain get faster and tried to turn around, or at least get so she was able to walk next to Tobias again. Tobias started to walk faster, and before she could move, he was walking right through her ghost.

Just like every other time he had done it, an empty feeling started in her chest. Tris turned and followed him the rest of the way to Dauntless. This time, she wasn’t going to allow herself to fade back because she was hurt. She also wasn’t an idiot. Erudite was one of her aptitudes for a reason. It was _Tobias._ The first and last love of her life. 

She would never miss to see him on his birthday.

They headed up a hill, into a series of buildings. Tris didn’t recognize where they were when she first came to visit him on his 19th birthday. Now, she knew that with another left and a few more feet, they would walk through a door that led to the Fear Landscape room. Tobias did exactly that, and sighed as he entered the building, his eyes going right to the needle that was discarded on the floor from this morning. It wasn’t possible that Tris could see what the fears were, but knew that they hadn’t changed from the first time Tobias went through it after her death. Had seen and heard him talking about it with his mother.

Heights. Confinement. Becoming the man his father was. And loneliness.

_“Loneliness?” Evelyn had asked._

_Tobias was agitated at the explanation his mother was expecting. He knew he could say he didn’t want to talk about it, but he always did because it was his mother. “I sit alone in a room. No one comes in the door that I stare at, even when I try to call out my friends names.”_

_It was a result of everyone he became close with leaving him._

He hadn’t acted any different when he came out of his landscape earlier in the morning, and that was how Tris knew nothing changed.

Checking his watch, Tobias signed and walked to the other entrance in the room. He was supposed to meet his friends in the dining hall at six, and it was ten minutes ‘til. Johanna told him over and over again for the past week that he could miss coming into the office on his birthday, but he insisted to work.

Tris was sure it was because it gave him a distraction.

Heading down, down, deeper into Dauntless, Tobias took various lefts that Tris could walk if she was blindfold. Not only had she walked herself through this path, to get to lunch after hours of working through her fears in Initiation, she also walked this path with Tobias. Tris was walking next to him again, pretending as if he knew she was there and as if it was old times, with them walking side by side again.

When they walked into the dining hall, Zeke yelled from their table. It was so different now than how it had been when they were all alive. Only Zeke, Shauna, Christina, Cara, and Matthew sat at the table. Tris smiled at the reaction it always caused from Tobias; the pure happiness in his eyes when he looked at his small group of friends. He was doing better than he was last year, accepting her death more and more every day.

“Happy birthday, Four! How’s 25 been treating you?” Zeke asked when Tobias sat at the table. Tris sat across from him, her eyes going to where Christina sat at his right. Her best friend looked the same as Tobias, but her spirit was always happier than Tobias’s, so of course her eyes were brighter.

She saw Tobias and Christina’s hands creep closer together and connect on the other side of the table, and Tris tried to push the jealousy that rose up in her down. Truly, she was happy for them. She knew of their kiss that happened in the training room a few weeks ago. Tris knew she was gone now, and Tobias had to move on some time. Even if it felt like the years had passed by fast for her, they weren’t fast for him.

Tobias had helped Christina healed, and she had done the same for him.

But it couldn’t stop the feeling of bitterness that Tris felt, jealous that Christina now slept beside him instead of her.

Tears clouded her eyes, but Tris blinked them away, grateful that Tobias and none of her friends were able to see them.

Tobias nodded, “The day’s been good. I got a lot of work done.”

Christina squeezed his hand, getting him to look at her. “How are you feeling?”

The question caused him to tense, before he sighed and his shoulders released the tension and grief. “My birthday just means another year without her.” No jealousy flickered into Christina’s expression, and she didn’t get mad at the connection Tobias still had, and always will have to Tris. “But I feel good.”

“Tris.”

The sound of her mother’s voice startled her, and Tris jumped. She realized, when she wiped her tears from her eyes, that her surroundings were getting fazy, and that she couldn’t hear her friends as well even when their mouths moved. She began to cry more.

“No,” she cried. Wiping at her nose, she squeezed her eyes close. “Let me say goodbye. Just let me say goodbye. _Please._ I never got to say goodbye.”

Her breathing became faster and she stared, concentrated. Slowly, the world came back to her. She heard Tobias’s laugh, and saw his handsome face again.

Taking deep breaths, Tris wiped her cheeks of her tears, licked her lips, and smiled at Tobias.

“I love you. Goodbye, Tobias.”

Panic settled deep in her soul as Tobias stopped laughing, his neck snapping toward where she was sitting. His eyes were wide, and she saw his lips form around her name.

But she wasn’t there. Her friends sitting at the table looked to the spot he was staring at and saw nothing. Zeke raised an eyebrow and said, “You okay, bud?”

Tobias was staring right at her, into her eyes. And what made her cry harder is the fact that there was no one he was looking at.

“Beatrice, sweetheart, it’s time to go.”

With one last look at Tobias, who had just turned away to assure his friends it was nothing, Tris turned around, and walked into her mother’s embrace.


End file.
